Who am I?

Dear myself,

I am in my late 30's and presently working in Singapore as a precast designer. I will not renew my job contract next year because I am planning to go back to the Philippines. Firstly, I wanted to take care of my kids, I wanted to be with them, I've been away for quite sometime and I felt I am guilty of doing so.
Being away a little bit is not bad, but i came to this point in my life where my eldest is growing so fast, grow without me and my youngest is going to start her first school and that i don't ever wanted to miss. I love my kids first and foremost. Secondly, I wanted to become an entrepreneur. I wanted to start my own business, be my own boss and start doing what i really like doing. I like desinging, i like arts and fashion, I like to create, i like to mentor, i love to sell and entertain people, i have so much inside of me that i don't know how to compose it into a whole. It seems like everything in me is a separate entity, broken or not yet found, afraid and complacent..i need to seek once again what i am really capable of doing, who am i and what are the things that can really really makes me happy. I wanted to know my greatest capacity, greatest creativity, i wanted to make the best of me to come out. i believe i am someone more than i am today. i believe i can be somebody more courageous, more artistic, more genuine, more beautiful, more than what i am doing at work or on facebook, more on what i write on blogs or on my diary, something more on what i read on books, novels or what is shown on the internet, or on my everyday routines. i wanted to seek how to be of use to my best ability to other people, to my beloved significant others and to myself and to God who is up there watching me and telling me hey, - get up and move now, out of your comfort zone, do something different out of the ordinary. do you still wanted to sleep at night alone while your kids is outhere not in your own haven?..do you still wanted to wake up early in the morning and do everyday routine for another five years? do you still wanted to do those good paying job even if you are not happy? do you still wanted another year for the same thing all over again?

oh no. not i.

i need somewhere to begin.
i need to.
before the color of my hair change.

p.s
help me find the key.


xx

www.filgold.com

these are the latest design of filgold jewelry company. a local handmade products of one of the oldiest goldsmith in 'butuan city', philippines..finest product one should treasure and behold.

if you are interested in jewelries, wedding rings, unique designs of necklaces, bracelet, rings, amulets, pendant please visit the filgold.com

item: (pipa in filipino)- pipe with aztec design modify into a bullet case, 18k gold, use for accessories, pendant or simple keeps for those who treasure real treasure.

item: dragonfly pendant. 18k gold. unique custom made design, order as a gift to a wedding.

if interested please view www.filgold.com

Jobs

it's been three days since Mr Apple died.
and pardon me, i don't know him.
i don't know anything about him.
i have no idea what he has done to deserve the whole world to think about no one but him on the day he died.

but now i tried to read some notes about him.
then i realized he is an inspiration to all.
living or dead.
if i wanted to keep something about him, it would be his inspirations and advises about life.
thus, find the one you love, never settle for anything less, may it be in relationship or work.
and stay hungry, stay foolish all throughout life.
do not be satified of 'good'
because 'better' sounds much better.

Jobs.
you got a good and better job.
you live your life to the fullest, though you died young.

'nobody wanted to die'.
nobody.
perhaps, it's true.
death is exodus.
i hate it too.
goodbye, Mr Apple.

one of the lousiest sunday ever!

have you got one of those days?

when you wanted to go out somewhere but the husband is not in the mood to go out anywhere aside from his battle field on the puter. i don't like it when i have nothing to do but wait for the night time to come and more head ache and boresomeness and idleness and nothing to do but domestic life and gaze my laptop and read some blogs without moving anywhere..this is not my favorite sunday, this is one of the lousiest ever!

i tend to enjoy myself when i am alone.
i go out.
eat some pizza.
or window shopping.
or shoe trying.
or simply just go out and ride a train.
just to be out of the house for awhile and do something nice
and avoid being at home during weekend.

money is not a problem.
i can go out without buying anything.
i can go out just having a cake or two.
or just browsing books in any bookstore.

eiiw totally bored.
next weekend it must not be this way.
i should go out if i like it.

if only i have no menstruation
i probably out of the street right now.

=(

maybe i can try to practice this little quote i found last night.

Notes to myself

The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer


It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting
Your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
For love, for your dream,
For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life's betrayals,
Or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further
pain.


I want to know if you can sit with pain,
Mine or your own,
Without moving
To hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
Mine or your own,
If you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
Without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,
or to remember
the limitations of being human.


It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know
if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you
can be faithless and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it is not pretty every day,

And if you can source your life
From its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
Yours and mine,
And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
Weary and bruised to the bone,
And do what needs to be done for the
children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
In the center of the fire with me
And not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
From the inside
When all else falls
away.

I want to know if you can be alone
With yourself,
And if you truly like the
company you keep
In the empty moments.











Write a comment...
..

street boys

watched the episode of '24 hours alerto' in the philippine tv news, the topic is all about street boys, so many faces of teen ager gangs who is doing the survival act to live. thus, open car thief, pick pockets, drugs and all the inhuman act one never dreamed of experiencing.
.. but these kids, this very teen agers of my own country is unfortunately experiencing them all.

i do not know how our politician or government can help them renewed themselves or help them to have a life they deserve. i mean, there are so many ways to address this kind of problem but those who are suppose to make or solve this situation is busy with other unimportant matters.

dear God, if you are listening to my prayer this time, let it be a prayer of hope for those kids, they are so pity at the same time hopelessness in their eyes is so painful to feel.
if you want me to do something about this please help me to know and fill myself with things i can give them, not money but life and future.
because they deserve one.

all of them in general.

XX

rainy day and friday

this is part of the parking area where i used to live. so silent and wet.

-because it's been raining the whole evening and still raining this morning, the reason why i didn't wake up early and i send sms to my colleague that i decided to take a leave today. not a good thing to do, where in fact there is so much job to do in the office..but i think 'one day leave' is not that bad. today, i can rest from boresome and tiresome office activities. here at home i will do nothing but read again my books and watch tv or open my facebook and all, do some chores and well maybe, just maybe i go and see Salvation Army.

looking outside my door for a glance of outside world..just woke up.late for work. i don't know what i dreamt last night it is some kind of weird thing i don't want to remember.

better go back to bed and savor the sweet friday morning.

see ya later alligator!